Soy and I knew that God had given us an undeniable love for serving internationally. We were newly married and extremely excited about the future. For those who know us then you know that Soy and I are complete opposites. He lived for the moment. I plan for the future. He lived carefree. I overanalyze everything. He did not need security. I depend on security.
Even before we met, I knew the missions organization that I wanted to work for. This mission organization is well-established and very strategic. This organization takes care of living, medical, travel, school, etc expenses. They financially support the missionaries long-term. The missionaries can focus on the ministry rather than raising financial support.
Soy and I spent several weeks in the Philippines living with different missionaries that work under this organization. We liked everything that we experienced. We decided to apply for the mission organization. We knew there were strict requirements for acceptance to the organization so we worked hard to meet them. The education and living debt-free was top priority. We chose to live within our means in order not to have debt. We were working, having babies, and completing school while counting down the days to serve in foreign missions.
I had given birth to our second daughter and was on maternity leave when I decided to start the initial phone call with the organization. I had actually made this initial consultation call years before when we were first married. I knew what to expect. As the consultant asked personal questions and explained the organization, he made one statement that caused me to take a deep breath. He said “You know your main role will be at home while your husband is in the field.” Perhaps it was not the right timing as I rocked a new born and had a one year at my feet. Perhaps I postpartum made me a bit more sensitive. Soy and I knew that our home is our first ministry—not even debatable. But I also knew that God had called me to missions. We wanted to be in the fields together. God called me. God called Soy. Then He called us.
I struggled with whether or not God was using this one statement to re-direct us. On paper, I knew everything about this organization was good. It provided the security that I am dependent upon. It is difficult to argue with me about the importance of financial security. We would be crazy to serve internationally as independent missionaries. I continued to struggle with the possibility that my well thought out plans may not actually be God’s plans.
Soy and I were driving down the road while I continued to verbally express my confusion and frustration. I vividly remember Soy looking at me and saying, “Let’s be honest. If it was for the money then you would not consider this organization.” I sat in silence because I knew it was true.
We had spent years striving to meet the requirements for one organization and now everything was coming to a halt.
And God was silent…..
