The Truth…
The truth is I do not like to write blogs. The truth is I do not like to know that people can criticize every single thing that is written. The truth is I do not like to live in a glass house because I am a very private person. The truth is I feel like our life is boring and no one is interested in reading a blog. (Until I have people tell me about how they read my dad’s blog. This is one of life’s greatest mysteries.)
In September, the Lord began to nudge me to start sharing my story. I immediately refused to share anything on a public forum. I reminded God that sharing my story causes the deep hurt and pain to be exposed. The emotional toll is exhausting. However, I started thinking about everything that has helped me over the past year. God used the stories of other people who have walked a similar road to help me navigate the difficult road of grief.
Almost 8 years ago, Soy and I were anticipating making a permanent move to Guatemala. It was a Sunday night when a lady in the church approached me with tears in her eyes. She expressed how her family would miss me and Soy. I held back laughter as she continued to explain why she would miss me. She simply said, “You are not perfect. All of our other friends have perfect lives but y’all do not!” She even named my friends who have perfect marriages and perfect children. I reassured her that those friends do not have perfect lives, but they simply don’t tell about their reality. Soy and I laughed as we talked about it. Perhaps we were a little too transparent about our shortcomings. But we knew people loved us in spite of our messy lives.
In August of 2024, my 9 year old daughter sat outside and we cried as she shared her sadness with me. I had no words to help but I simply cried with her. After a few minutes, we heard someone walking up our driveway. We can always hear when people walk up our driveway because they are breathing so heavily! Immediately, my daughter looked at me and said “Someone is coming. Stop crying and act like everything is normal!” She stood up and ran off to play.
I thought about my daughter’s response. Honestly. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like that she is growing up feeling the need to put on a “normal” face. For most of my daughters’ lives they have had short term relationships with people. It is so easy to not reveal the struggles, fears, shortcomings when people are with you for only a few days. Yet, it is not reality.
I do not even want to pretend that I have the answers on how to grieve or how to handle life’s hurt. However, God is slowly chiseling my heart. He is reminding me of His faithfulness. He is changing my perspective. He is pruning me.
So every time I have sat down to write a blog, I’ve heard the Lord whisper “Share your story”. I have actually written personal blogs but not published them out of fear. I am grateful that the Lord is way more patient than me.
Hopefully, you will be able to see the thread of obedience and trust seamlessly woven throughout our lives.
Shining Light Abroad Ministries 